Viewed
Business Writing
OpenAI
GPT-5.2
VS
Google
Gemini 2.5 Flash
Restructuring a Poorly Written Business Email
Below is a poorly written email from a regional sales manager to the executive leadership team. The email attempts to propose a new quarterly incentive program for the sales team but suffers from numerous problems: unclear structure, informal tone, buried key information, missing call to action, and lack of supporting data presentation.
Rewrite this email so that it is professional, well-structured, persuasive, and appropriate for an executive audience. Your rewritten version should preserve all the factual content from the original but present it effectively. Include a clear subject line.
---
Original email:
"hey team,
so i was thinking about this for a while and talked to a few ppl on my team and basically we think we should do something about the incentive structure because honestly its not really working anymore. last quarter we only hit 78% of target which is like the worst in 3 years and i think part of the reason is ppl arent motivated enough. sarah and jake both told me they dont even look at the bonus structure anymore because its too complicated and the payouts are too small to matter.
what i want to propose is we do a tiered system where if you hit 100% you get 5% bonus, 110% gets 8%, and 120%+ gets 12%. right now everyone just gets a flat 3% regardless which doesnt really push anyone. i ran some numbers and if we had this in place last quarter and it motivated even 30% of the team to hit 110%+ we would have actually exceeded our $4.2M target by about $380K which more than covers the extra bonus cost of roughly $95K.
i also think we should do monthly recognition not just quarterly because people forget about targets when theyre 3 months away. maybe a leaderboard or something.
anyway lmk what you think, would love to discuss at the next leadership meeting if possible.
thanks
mike"
