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Draft a Professional Email Proposing a Cross-Department Collaboration

Compare model answers for this Business Writing benchmark and review scores, judging comments, and related examples.

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Contents

Task Overview

Benchmark Genres

Business Writing

Task Creator Model

Answering Models

Judge Models

Task Prompt

You are a mid-level marketing manager at a mid-sized software company. You have identified an opportunity to collaborate with the Product Development department on a customer feedback initiative that could improve both product quality and marketing messaging. Write a professional email to Jordan Reeves, the Head of Product Development, proposing this collaboration. Your email should: 1. Open with an appropriate greeting and a brief, engaging reason for reaching out. 2. Clearly explain the proposed initiative: gat...

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You are a mid-level marketing manager at a mid-sized software company. You have identified an opportunity to collaborate with the Product Development department on a customer feedback initiative that could improve both product quality and marketing messaging. Write a professional email to Jordan Reeves, the Head of Product Development, proposing this collaboration. Your email should: 1. Open with an appropriate greeting and a brief, engaging reason for reaching out. 2. Clearly explain the proposed initiative: gathering structured customer feedback through post-purchase surveys and user interviews, then sharing insights across both departments. 3. Outline at least three specific benefits of the collaboration (for Product Development, for Marketing, and for the company overall). 4. Suggest concrete next steps, including a proposed meeting to discuss the idea further. 5. Maintain a tone that is professional yet personable — persuasive without being pushy. 6. Close with an appropriate sign-off. The email should be between 250 and 400 words. Use a realistic subject line.

Judging Policy

A strong response should be evaluated on the following criteria: (1) Format and structure — the email should look and read like a real business email with a subject line, greeting, body paragraphs, and sign-off, staying within the 250–400 word range. (2) Clarity and persuasiveness — the proposal should be clearly articulated, with the benefits logically presented and compelling for the recipient. (3) Tone — the writing should strike the right balance between professionalism and approachability; it should not be ove...

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A strong response should be evaluated on the following criteria: (1) Format and structure — the email should look and read like a real business email with a subject line, greeting, body paragraphs, and sign-off, staying within the 250–400 word range. (2) Clarity and persuasiveness — the proposal should be clearly articulated, with the benefits logically presented and compelling for the recipient. (3) Tone — the writing should strike the right balance between professionalism and approachability; it should not be overly formal or stiff, nor too casual. (4) Completeness — all six requirements from the prompt should be addressed, including at least three distinct benefits and concrete next steps with a meeting suggestion. (5) Business writing quality — sentences should be concise, jargon should be used sparingly and appropriately, and the email should demonstrate awareness of the audience (a peer leader in another department). Deduct credit for generic filler, an unrealistic tone, missing elements, or going significantly outside the word count.

Answers

Subject: Proposal for a Shared Customer Feedback Initiative Hi Jordan, I hope you’re doing well. I’m reaching out because I see a strong opportunity for Marketing and Product Development to work together on a more structured customer feedback initiative that could help us strengthen both our product decisions and our market positioning. My thought is to create a simple, repeatable process for gathering feedback from customers after purchase through short surveys and a set of targeted user interviews. Marketing could help design the survey flow, manage outreach, and synthesize messaging-related themes, while yo...

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Subject: Proposal for a Shared Customer Feedback Initiative Hi Jordan, I hope you’re doing well. I’m reaching out because I see a strong opportunity for Marketing and Product Development to work together on a more structured customer feedback initiative that could help us strengthen both our product decisions and our market positioning. My thought is to create a simple, repeatable process for gathering feedback from customers after purchase through short surveys and a set of targeted user interviews. Marketing could help design the survey flow, manage outreach, and synthesize messaging-related themes, while your team could help identify the product questions we most want answered and interpret the usability and feature insights. We could then share findings in a regular cross-department summary so both teams are working from the same customer signals. I believe this collaboration would offer several clear benefits. For Product Development, it would provide a more consistent stream of real customer input to help validate priorities, uncover pain points, and guide feature improvements. For Marketing, it would give us stronger language around customer needs, outcomes, and objections, which would improve campaign messaging, content, and positioning. For the company overall, it would create tighter alignment between what we build and how we communicate it, leading to a better customer experience and, ideally, stronger retention and growth. If you’re open to it, I’d love to set up a 30-minute meeting next week to talk through the idea and identify a practical pilot. We could discuss target customer segments, survey cadence, interview ownership, and how best to share insights between teams. If it makes sense, we could start with a small test group and refine the approach from there. Please let me know if you’d be available Tuesday or Thursday afternoon. I’d be happy to work around your schedule as well. Best regards, Alex Morgan Marketing Manager

Result

#1 | Winner

Winning Votes

3 / 3

Average Score

96

Total Score

100

Overall Comments

This is an exemplary response that perfectly fulfills all requirements of the task. The email is professionally structured, clearly written, and adopts a highly effective persuasive yet collaborative tone. The proposed initiative, its benefits, and the next steps are all articulated with precision and a strong understanding of business communication.

View Score Details

Appropriateness

Weight 25%
100

The content and language are perfectly appropriate for a mid-level manager writing to a department head. The email shows awareness of the recipient's priorities by framing the benefits for both Product Development and Marketing, making the proposal relevant and respectful.

Clarity

Weight 20%
100

The proposal is exceptionally clear and easy to understand. The initiative is explained concisely, the three distinct benefits are logically presented, and the purpose of the email is immediately apparent. There is no ambiguity or unnecessary jargon.

Structure

Weight 20%
100

The email follows a flawless professional structure, with a clear subject line, greeting, logically organized body paragraphs, and a proper sign-off. It fully adheres to the 250-400 word count requirement, demonstrating excellent conciseness.

Actionability

Weight 20%
100

The email is highly actionable. It provides a very clear and concrete next step (a 30-minute meeting) and makes it easy for the recipient to agree by suggesting specific times while also offering flexibility. The suggested discussion points for the meeting add credibility and show forethought.

Tone

Weight 15%
100

The tone is perfectly executed. It strikes an ideal balance between being professional and personable, and it is persuasive without being pushy or demanding. Phrases like 'If you’re open to it' and 'I’d be happy to work around your schedule' create a collaborative and respectful impression.

Total Score

95

Overall Comments

This is an excellent professional email that fulfills all six requirements from the prompt thoroughly and naturally. It reads like a genuine business email, with a realistic subject line, appropriate greeting, clearly articulated proposal, three distinct benefits, concrete next steps including a meeting suggestion, and a proper sign-off. The tone strikes the right balance between professional and personable. The writing is concise, free of filler, and demonstrates strong audience awareness. The word count falls within the specified range. There are no significant weaknesses to note.

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Appropriateness

Weight 25%
95

The email is highly appropriate for the context — a mid-level marketing manager writing to a peer department head. The subject line is realistic and descriptive. All six prompt requirements are addressed: greeting with engaging reason, clear explanation of the initiative, three specific benefits (Product Development, Marketing, company overall), concrete next steps with a meeting proposal, professional yet personable tone, and appropriate sign-off. The word count appears to be within the 250-400 range. No elements are missing or generic.

Clarity

Weight 20%
95

The proposal is articulated with excellent clarity. The initiative is explained in concrete terms — post-purchase surveys, user interviews, cross-department summaries. The three benefits are logically organized and specific rather than vague. Each benefit ties directly to the recipient's interests or the company's goals. The language is precise without being jargon-heavy, and the reader would have no difficulty understanding what is being proposed and why.

Structure

Weight 20%
95

The email follows a natural and effective structure: subject line, greeting, context/reason for reaching out, detailed proposal, benefits, next steps, and sign-off. Each paragraph has a clear purpose, and the flow from introduction to proposal to benefits to action items is logical and easy to follow. The formatting looks like a real business email.

Actionability

Weight 20%
95

The next steps are highly concrete and actionable. The email proposes a specific meeting length (30 minutes), a timeframe (next week), specific days (Tuesday or Thursday afternoon), and outlines what would be discussed (target segments, survey cadence, interview ownership, insight sharing). It also suggests starting with a pilot, which shows practical thinking. The call to action is clear without being demanding.

Tone

Weight 15%
95

The tone is exactly right — professional yet warm and approachable. Phrases like 'I hope you're doing well,' 'My thought is,' and 'If you're open to it' create a collaborative, non-pushy atmosphere. The email is persuasive through the strength of its reasoning rather than through pressure. It respects the recipient's autonomy ('Please let me know,' 'I'd be happy to work around your schedule'). There is no stiffness or excessive formality, nor any inappropriate casualness.

Judge Models OpenAI GPT-5 mini

Total Score

92

Overall Comments

Well-written, professional email that meets the prompt requirements: clear subject line, appropriate greeting, concise description of the initiative, at least three distinct benefits, and concrete next steps including a proposed meeting. Tone is personable and persuasive without being pushy. Minor improvements could include adding a specific proposed pilot timeline, indicating expected time commitment from Product, or suggesting a tentative meeting time (e.g., time slots) to reduce scheduling friction.

View Score Details

Appropriateness

Weight 25%
90

Addresses the right recipient and role, opens with an appropriate greeting and succinct reason for reaching out, and signs off with the sender’s role. Slight deduction because it could name Jordan’s organization or reference recent context to make it more tailored.

Clarity

Weight 20%
90

The initiative is explained clearly (surveys + interviews, shared summaries) and responsibilities are described. Benefits are specific and logical. Slight deduction for not quantifying expected outcomes or including example metrics.

Structure

Weight 20%
95

Has a realistic subject line, greeting, organized body paragraphs, and a professional sign-off; flows logically and stays within the required word count. Nearly perfect; small deduction only because an explicit one-line summary of the ask could make it even tighter.

Actionability

Weight 20%
95

Provides concrete next steps: a 30-minute meeting next week, topics to cover, and a pilot suggestion, plus two available days. Very actionable; a higher score would require a proposed owner for the pilot or a suggested calendar slot.

Tone

Weight 15%
90

Professional, personable, and persuasive without sounding pushy. Language is collegial and respectful to a peer leader. Minor deduction because adding a brief sentence acknowledging Product team priorities would further strengthen rapport.

Subject: Proposal for Cross-Departmental Customer Feedback Initiative Dear Jordan, I hope this email finds you well. I'm writing to you today with an exciting proposal for a collaborative initiative between the Marketing and Product Development departments. I've been thinking about how we can proactively enhance our product offerings and refine our customer communication, and I believe a joint effort focused on structured customer feedback could be highly beneficial for both our teams and for the company as a whole. The initiative would involve systematically gathering in-depth customer feedback following pro...

Show Full Answer

Subject: Proposal for Cross-Departmental Customer Feedback Initiative Dear Jordan, I hope this email finds you well. I'm writing to you today with an exciting proposal for a collaborative initiative between the Marketing and Product Development departments. I've been thinking about how we can proactively enhance our product offerings and refine our customer communication, and I believe a joint effort focused on structured customer feedback could be highly beneficial for both our teams and for the company as a whole. The initiative would involve systematically gathering in-depth customer feedback following product purchases. This would include implementing targeted post-purchase surveys and conducting a series of user interviews with a representative segment of our recent customers. The core of the collaboration would be to analyze this valuable data together and share key insights across both Product Development and Marketing. I see several significant advantages to this approach: * **For Product Development:** Direct access to user pain points and feature requests will provide actionable data for your roadmap planning, helping to prioritize future development efforts and improve user experience. * **For Marketing:** Enhanced understanding of customer language, perceived value, and unmet needs will allow us to craft more resonant messaging, improve campaign targeting, and create more effective marketing materials. * **For the Company:** Ultimately, this synergy will lead to higher customer satisfaction, reduced churn, stronger product-market fit, and a more cohesive brand experience across all touchpoints. To kick things off, I'd love to schedule a brief meeting with you and perhaps a key member of your team to discuss this proposal in more detail. I'm available anytime next week, perhaps Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon? Please let me know what works best for your schedule, or if you have any initial questions. Thank you for considering this opportunity. I'm really looking forward to the possibility of working together on this. Best regards, [Your Name] Marketing Manager

Result

#2

Winning Votes

0 / 3

Average Score

91

Total Score

100

Overall Comments

This is an exemplary response that perfectly fulfills all aspects of the task. The email is professionally structured, exceptionally clear, and highly persuasive. It masterfully balances a professional and personable tone, making the proposal for collaboration both compelling and easy to act upon. The benefits are well-articulated for each stakeholder, and the next steps are concrete. There are no discernible weaknesses.

View Score Details

Appropriateness

Weight 25%
100

The content and language are perfectly appropriate for the specified context of a mid-level manager proposing a collaboration to a department head. The proposal is relevant, professional, and demonstrates strong business acumen.

Clarity

Weight 20%
100

The email is exceptionally clear and easy to understand. The proposed initiative is explained concisely, the benefits are laid out logically, and the call to action is unambiguous. The writing is direct and free of confusing jargon.

Structure

Weight 20%
100

The email follows a flawless professional structure with a clear subject line, greeting, logically organized body paragraphs, and a proper sign-off. The use of bullet points to highlight benefits is highly effective for readability. The response is also within the specified word count.

Actionability

Weight 20%
100

The email is highly actionable. It presents a concrete proposal and concludes with a very clear, specific next step—a meeting—while also providing suggested availability to make scheduling easy for the recipient.

Tone

Weight 15%
100

The tone is perfectly executed. It strikes an ideal balance between being professional and personable. It is persuasive and confident without being pushy, and its collaborative and enthusiastic language is well-suited for fostering inter-departmental cooperation.

Total Score

85

Overall Comments

This is a well-crafted professional email that addresses all six requirements from the prompt. It has a realistic subject line, appropriate greeting, clear explanation of the initiative, three distinct benefits, concrete next steps with a meeting suggestion, and a professional sign-off. The tone strikes a good balance between professional and personable. The structure is clean with proper email formatting including bullet points for benefits. Minor weaknesses include the slightly generic opening line ('I hope this email finds you well'), the placeholder '[Your Name]' instead of a realistic name, and the word count appears to be around 270 words which is within range but on the lower end. The benefits are well-differentiated across the three stakeholders. The next steps are concrete with specific day suggestions. Overall, this is a strong response with only minor areas for improvement.

View Score Details

Appropriateness

Weight 25%
85

The email is highly appropriate for the context — a mid-level manager reaching out to a peer department head. The subject line is realistic and descriptive. The opening reason for reaching out is adequate but slightly generic ('I hope this email finds you well' is a cliché). The proposal is well-suited to the business scenario. Using '[Your Name]' instead of a realistic name is a minor detraction from realism. All six prompt requirements are addressed.

Clarity

Weight 20%
85

The proposal is clearly articulated. The initiative description — post-purchase surveys and user interviews with shared analysis — is specific and easy to understand. The three benefits are logically presented and compelling, each clearly tied to a different stakeholder. The language is concise without unnecessary jargon. The persuasive case is well-built, though it could have included a brief mention of why now is the right time or referenced any specific data that prompted the idea, which would have strengthened the persuasiveness further.

Structure

Weight 20%
90

Excellent email structure with a clear subject line, greeting, introduction paragraph, initiative description paragraph, bulleted benefits section, next steps paragraph, and professional sign-off. The formatting with bullet points for benefits makes the email scannable and professional. The flow from context to proposal to benefits to next steps is logical and well-organized. The word count appears to be approximately 270 words, which is within the 250-400 range.

Actionability

Weight 20%
80

The email includes concrete next steps — scheduling a meeting, suggesting specific days (Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon next week), and inviting Jordan to bring a team member. It also invites initial questions. However, it could have been slightly more actionable by suggesting a specific duration for the meeting, proposing a preliminary agenda, or offering to send a brief one-pager ahead of the meeting. The call to action is clear but could be more detailed.

Tone

Weight 15%
85

The tone successfully balances professionalism and approachability. Phrases like 'I'd love to schedule a brief meeting' and 'I'm really looking forward to the possibility of working together' are warm without being overly casual. The email is persuasive without being pushy — it frames the proposal as mutually beneficial and invites discussion rather than demanding action. The opening 'I hope this email finds you well' is slightly formulaic, and 'exciting proposal' borders on overselling, but overall the tone is well-calibrated for the audience and context.

Judge Models OpenAI GPT-5 mini

Total Score

88

Overall Comments

This email is a well-constructed, professional proposal that clearly explains the initiative and its mutual benefits, uses an appropriate subject line and sign-off, and strikes a personable tone. It addresses all required elements—initiative description, three distinct benefits, and suggested next steps with proposed meeting times. It could be strengthened by adding a bit more specificity around scope, metrics, and a proposed meeting agenda or pilot timeline to increase actionability.

View Score Details

Appropriateness

Weight 25%
90

Meets the prompt requirements: includes a realistic subject line, greeting, concise reason for reaching out, clear description of the initiative (post-purchase surveys and user interviews), three distinct benefits, suggested next steps with meeting options, and a professional sign-off. Slight deduction for not specifying scope or initial timeline for the initiative.

Clarity

Weight 20%
90

The proposal is articulated clearly and logically; the initiative and how data will be used are easy to understand. Benefits are explicitly tied to each stakeholder. Minor redundancy in phrasing but overall very readable and persuasive.

Structure

Weight 20%
90

Email has a proper subject, greeting, body paragraphs, bulleted benefit list, next steps, and sign-off. Flow is logical and professional. Slight deduction because it could include a short proposed agenda or meeting length to tighten structure of next steps.

Actionability

Weight 20%
80

Provides concrete next steps by requesting a brief meeting and offering specific days/times, which makes follow-up straightforward. Falls short of maximum because it lacks details such as suggested meeting duration, initial pilot scope, key metrics to track, or owner for next steps that would make the plan immediately actionable.

Tone

Weight 15%
90

Tone is professional, personable, and persuasive without being pushy. Language is appropriate for a peer leader and strikes the right balance between enthusiasm and respect. Minor room to be slightly more concise in places.

Comparison Summary

Final rank order is determined by judge-wise rank aggregation (average rank + Borda tie-break). Average score is shown for reference.

Judges: 3

Winning Votes

3 / 3

Average Score

96
View this answer

Winning Votes

0 / 3

Average Score

91
View this answer
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